Where's my brain?

Ugh, for some reason I'm having a really hard time just sitting down and writing. I know that seems...well...silly. But for some reason whenever I sit down and want to start working on one of my stories my brain freezes up like I've eated a gallon of ice cream. I don't know whether it's just nerves or a really bad case of writers block, or maybe it's just a fear of failure. Or a fear of imperfection.

It doesn't help that I've been moody lately. A common enough problem for me but one for which I can't seem to find a solution. Maybe it's the weather, when it's dark and gray all day it's enough to make anyone moody. I hate weather in Michigan. It's like all the very bad things about weather decided to condense into one location.

So I'm wondering again what is the best way to deal with this writing problem I seem to be having. I have scenes in my head. Maybe I need to get a dictation machine :) The shower seems to be the best time of day for me to congeal my thoughts and make decisions on scenes and settings for my characters. I suppose my other problem is I have too many stories going right now. That would make anyone with half a brain go loopy. I came up with a great scene last night that could go in two of my stories...but I can only use it in one and can't decide which one it should go to. Then there's the problem of writing in sequence. My brain doesn't seem to be able to do it. I suppose I've hamstrung myself by posting on places that accept stories in a serial fashion. I am NOT a serial writer. My brain tends to jump all around with little regard for time or space while I'm writing.

I suppose the ultimate fix would be to pick one story and focus only on it until I've finished it, and not post anything until I've finished it. Ugh, that takes a lot of self control though. That self-control is something I really struggle with on a day to day basis. I must be the laziest person on the face of the earth. I can hardly make myself want to straighten up the house in the morning. I managed to force myself to do an exercise video pretty much every day last month (I missed like 3 scheduled days total) and I ate really well and still only lost about 5 pounds. I want results too fast I guess.

That spills over into everything. I want my stories to write themselves faster... doesn't seem possible does it. But there's a little monster in my mind that kicks and screams over the thought of taking too much time to finish anything. And I can't seem to find a reliable person to kick me in the butt. I know that sounds really funny. I used to have one or two friends (who were college students at the time) who were online a lot and would take the time to talk to me a lot on an instant messenger program and we'd work through my stories. That was the period when I accomplished the most. But unfortunately the fandom I enjoy seems to be ever shrinking and fracturing, and I'm feeling a lot on the outside lately.

I guess I'll survive. When my brain gets like this I tend to just sit down and code cause I can't concentrate long enough to force some decent writing out.

Well perhaps just putting the decision in writing would help. Let's pick a story. How about the very FIRST fanfiction story I ever started. It started out as Time of the Avatars and I wrote a ton of it before I realized that the place to start a story is not at the beginning of time but at the beginning of action. So I have a ton of backstory and very little of the actual work. So I'll think about and write only that story, which was renamed Reincarnation. It's my little Sailor Moon Fanfiction naming quirk. Anyway, so I'll commit to at least one hour of writing something for Reincarnation every day for a while and see where it leads. And I won't post anything (except to people who want to help edit/beta the story) until it's complete.

OK, let's see how this goes....


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